Sophia

Draft 2 “To sum it up I went from Napoleon to the Big Friendly Giant, and there was an awkward misidentified period in between, where I didn’t know whether to be aggressive, or passive.” Growing up in Scarsdale, a community that even then, wasn’t much different from ours, my father came to realize that he was on the small side. More than that, he was scrawny, one of the tiniest kids in the class, always five inches and 20 pounds below average. Despite his lacking in the size category, he was wildly aggressive and had a huge in your face personality, perhaps to make up for his small body. Everybody knew my dad would get in a fight with anybody any day, but nobody really feared him or took him seriously, because he couldn’t do any real physical damage. He was like the French ruler, Napoleon, to make up for his tiny size he used a huge aggressive attitude. “I shot up, fast, one foot in two years. Probably one hundred pounds gained too.” From senior year of high school to the end of his second year of college, my dad grew to be the 6 foot 4 210 pound man he now is. As if his appearance wasn’t intimidating enough, he still had the big scary attitude to match. But now, these tactics of aggression and intimidation were effective. Not only would he would get in a fight with anybody, he would win in a fight with anybody. People feared him. “I didn’t want people to dislike me, and avoid me.” But this point made me think, if my dad didn’t want to be feared, then why, even when he was so tiny, did he act like he wanted to be intimidating and scary? “People bullied Uncle Bruce. It wasn’t fair, and I wanted to help him, but when I went in to get back at them and give them a talk, they laughed in my face. I toughened up, got in some fights, and then went back to fight them for Bruce.” My dad described how feeling intimidating felt good, he walked around with a new ego and a newfound confidence, like he could do anything. My father knew it was time for a personality adjustment. He traded in his tough ripped t- shirts for nice soft colored ones, and some preppy boy sweaters, things he had always kind of liked, but things that were worn by the people he wanted to intimidate. “My adjustment wasn’t difficult, because I simply became the me I always was. I, and everyone else, always knew the tough persona was all an act, and that I was a normal person, but I found that when I let down my aggressive guard, I was even more nurturing and sensitive than I had expected.” I feel grateful that my father grew. His physical maturing led to personality maturing, and I find it admirable that he wanted to be well liked, and took the steps necessary to get there. Though his aggression initially was out of kindness and caring for my uncle, I feel glad that my dad became the caring person that he is, because I see my brother, who is incredibly large for his age, my size as a ten year old, growing up to be caring and kind, the big friendly giant, just like my dad.

I like how you compare your dad to Napoleon, you should consider adding a female's point of view on intimidating others. ~ Maddie D. (Second Time)

I like how yo had a lot of quotes from your dad in there but maybe try to get his perspective on your thoughts at the end? it might give an interesting point to end on. - Jackie B.

I like how you compare your dad to Napoleon, but one thing I would put in is what you think might happen to you when you get older. Will you become more masculine?-Brian

Try comparing this to a female point of view on how to fit in/intimidate others. - Jen

I like how you have an anecdote about a man being a "bully" but consider having an anecdote about a girl being a "bully". ~ Maddie D.

This is a great anecdote and reflection, but the main point of this essay seems to be hidden in the piece so you have to interpret what this story addresses (although the last line points you in the right direction). I would add a new first paragraph that states what the essay is going to be about. -Matt Solnick

I like how you said your dad needed an attitude adjustment when he grew. maybe consider adding how a girl would try to act or dress if they were in this situation.