Carolyn

Draft #2
In the case of many families who have kids, the mom is the stay-at-home parent while the dad is the one who is out working. My mom is one of the many stay-at-home moms and I interviewed her in order to find out why she made that decision and why she recently made the decision to go back to work, though not at the job that she originally gotten her degree for.

My mom, Jackie Petricha, was born in Yonkers, NY during a terrible Christmas snowstorm of 1961. Of the five babies born that day, she was the only girl and as a result, the doctors stuck a red Christmas bow on her head so that any of her visitors could identify her. She grew up in Yonkers in a two-family home which was shared with her paternal grandparents who had immigrated to America from Russia before World War I and spoke very little English. She attended public school up until high school, and then transferred to an all girl’s Catholic school. When she began looking for colleges, she immediately began to focus on colleges nearby New York City, as she planned to work there someday. She soon decided on Fordham University in the Bronx and after she graduated, accepted a job at IBM, where she stayed for 6 years until she went to American Express (where she met my dad) and then off to KPMG Peat Marwick, where as a consultant she had to travel a lot.

When my mom had me, she balanced work and me. Instead of traveling so far for jobs, the company allowed her to travel more locally. Since the internet was just getting started, she was able to work at home while I napped. But when my brother Robert was born 16 months later, things got more complicated. It became more difficult for her to manage working during the day from home as well as taking care of two kids. When the time came for her to come back to work full-time, she decided to stay at home because she would have needed to travel extensively to maintain her job, and she also didn't want anyone else to raise my brother and I.

My mom continued to stay at home with my brother and I while my dad was the one out working and making the money. But as we got older, she found that she wasn’t needed as much as she used to be. Now my brother and I able to do more things by ourselves and with the fact that we were in school for the whole day convinced my mom that she should go back to working a couple years ago.

She began working again as a real estate agent for Houlihan Lawrence when my brother and I were both in elementary school, as this job offered both convenience and didn't take up so much time. She was a real estate agent for 2 years until she realized that the higher she went in her job, the less time that she would get to spend with us, so she became a stay-at-home mom again. She continued like this until 3 years ago when she was offered an opportunity to be a part-time teacher’s aide in Grafflin. The hours were perfect for her and since she likes working with children, the job was perfect for her. At the end of the school year, she was offered the chance to work full time but she turned it down because she believed that my brother and I were too young for her to be gone every day. It was then that it was suggested that she should become a substitute teacher, a job that she has been doing for the last two years. She loves it, because she only works at Westorchard (which is 2 minutes from our house) and she gets to choose when she wants to work. It fit around my brother and I’s schedules, making it the perfect job for her. My mom thinks that maybe in a couple years, she might go back to school to get the degree she needs to become a full-time teacher in Chappaqua. It would be easy for her to do this, since she already has an advanced degree from her time in college.

I think that this was a really selfless decision for my mom to make. She had a great job and she gave that all up in order to take care of my brother and I. She put our wellbeing in front of her own ambitions, an idea that I think was very selfless.

My mom’s story shows the stereotypical gender role of the mom, staying home and taking care of the kids while the dad is out working. When my mom was working, she actually was making more money than my dad, so it would have made more sense economically for my dad to stay home, not my mom. But I don’t think that there was any discussion about which parent should stay home and work. I think that my mom had always known that she would be the one to stay home with her kids, as that is what her mom did with her and her brother.

I think that the only person who I know who doesn’t go by the stereotype of the woman staying home with the kids and the man working is Mr. Ende. But when you really think about it, it wasn’t like Mr. Ende had originally chosen to be a stay-at-home dad, his wife was. She stayed at home for the first couple of months in Sydney’s life and then when she had to go back to work, Mr. Ende stepped in.

So most of the time, it is the mom who chooses to stay at home with the kids when the dad works. There is a stereotype that the woman is the one who should stay at the home while the dad is the moneymaker. Maybe sometime in the future there will be more stay-at-home dads like Mr. Ende but now, defiantly more moms stay at home than dads.

My mom believes that she made the right choice about becoming a stay-at-home parent. Even though it decreased the amount of money coming in to our family, it allowed her to raise my brother and I the way that my parents thought best. She says that whenever she looks at us, she thinks about how proud she is of the adults that we are both becoming and is blessed to have us both in her life. If she had to do it all again, she says that she wouldn’t change a thing.

Really good job and I like the new details that you added. I like how you explained more on gender stereotypes. -Amanda

Mkay. Better than before. but i think that you have a lot of not needed detail and points. cut it down with the history of you parents. its not as important as the context. ~Signior Valenti

You did an amazing job! In your background information, there are some details that you probably don't need. I liked how explained more on how this relates to gender. -Allie

** Gender Essay: To work or stay with the kids? **
In the case of many families who have kids, the mom is the stay-at-home parent while the dad is the one who is out working. My mom is one of the many stay-at-home moms and I interviewed her in order to find out why she made that decision and why she recently made the decision to go back to work, though not at the job that she originally gotten her degree for.

My mom, Jackie Petricha, was born in Yonkers, NY during a terrible Christmas snowstorm of 1961. Of the five babies born that day, she was the only girl and as a result, the doctors stuck a red Christmas bow on her head so that any of her visitors could identify her. She grew up in Yonkers in a two-family home which was shared with her paternal grandparents who had immigrated to America from Russia before World War I and spoke very little English. She attended public school up until high school, and then transferred to an all girl’s Catholic school. When she began looking for colleges, she immediately began to focus on colleges nearby New York City, as she planned to work there someday. She soon decided on Fordham University in the Bronx and after she graduated, accepted a job at IBM, where she stayed for 6 years until she went to American Express (where she met my dad) and then off to KPMG Peat Marwick, where as a consultant she had to travel a lot.

When my mom had me, she balanced work and me. Instead of traveling so far for jobs, the company allowed her to travel more locally. Since the internet was just getting started, she was able to work at home while I napped. But when my brother Robert was born 16 months later, things got more complicated. It became more difficult for her to manage working during the day from home as well as taking care of two kids. When the time came for her to come back to work full-time, she decided to stay at home because she would have needed to travel extensively to maintain her job, and she also didn't want anyone else to raise my brother and I.

My mom continued to stay at home with my brother and I while my dad was the one out working and making the money. But as we got older, she found that she wasn’t needed as much as she used to be. Now my brother and I able to do more things by ourselves and with the fact that we were in school for the whole day convinced my mom that she should go back to working a couple years ago.

She began working again as a real estate agent for Houlihan Lawrence when my brother and I were both in elementary school, as this job offered both convenience and didn't take up so much time. She was a real estate agent for 2 years until she realized that the higher she went in her job, the less time that she would get to spend with us, so she became a stay-at-home mom again. She continued like this until 3 years ago when she was offered an opportunity to be a part-time teacher’s aide in Grafflin. The hours were perfect for her and since she likes working with children, the job was perfect for her. At the end of the school year, she was offered the chance to work full time but she turned it down because she believed that my brother and I were too young for her to be gone every day. It was then that it was suggested that she should become a substitute teacher, a job that she has been doing for the last two years. She loves it, because she only works at Westorchard (which is 2 minutes from our house) and she gets to choose when she wants to work. It fit around my brother and I’s schedules, making it the perfect job for her. My mom thinks that maybe in a couple years, she might go back to school to get the degree she needs to become a full-time teacher in Chappaqua. It would be easy for her to do this, since she already has an advanced degree from her time in college.

I think that this was a really selfless decision for my mom to make. She had a great job and she gave that all up in order to take care of my brother and I. She put our wellbeing in front of her own ambitions, an idea that I think was very selfless.

<span style="color: #000000; font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif'; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%; margin: auto auto 6pt;">My mom believes that she made the right choice about becoming a stay-at-home parent. Even though it decreased the amount of money coming in to our family, it allowed her to raise my brother and I the way that my parents thought best. She says that whenever she looks at us, she thinks about how proud she is of the adults that we are both becoming and is blessed to have us both in her life. If she had to do it all again, she says that she wouldn’t change a thing.


 * Damn. This is a really good essay. one thing that you should change is how 90% of it is anecdote and then the other 10% is context. I'm not saying decrease the amount of anecdote, i'm saying increase the amount of context. ~ Signore Valenti

I really like the whole idea of your essay. I think maybe you should add more on how gender plays a role in this. This was a really creative topic. -Allie

Really good job! I love the details you put in, but I agree with Allie that you should add more about gender in your mom's life. -Amanda

I agree with Allie and Amanda (surprise) but you did a really good job explaining your moms life, but get more into the question of the essay, relate it more to how gender played out while she was a child. But this is a good start. -Cooper

I agree with what Chris said. You are just throwing out the interview and not giving opinions on it. Maybe after each anecdote, stop and tell what you think of it. -Scott S.

First excellent draft--I hope lots of others will read this--and second, two things to work on: Opening needs something to bring us right into the idea. I think you can basically toss the 1st paragraph and how about replacing it with a fictionalized scene of your mother tossing her choices around in her mind--"What to do? she wondered as ...--you get the idea. Second, to piggyback on Chris, you could develop the context by asking your dad, "Well, why not you?" Did the question even come up? MrC