Mark

We are creatures you don’t know Woods morph into our home Some of us so small we can fit on the tip of your nail Some of us so big we can squish you with our feet We live in harmony with no destruction Until you come along and destroy our woods Our harmony gone, our lives lost We watch our homes as they turn into dust  So we beg please let us be And live in peace That is all we want    (Micaela) Suggestions: Give more description of who "you" are. You use the word harmony twice, maybe change the word?   (Micaela) Things I like: The ending is very good, and powerful. I like the format, it works well with your story.   (Madeline) Things I like: I like the story of this poem and the message it conveys.  (Madeline) Suggestions: I think that you should add a title and specify what creature(s).   (Tamsin) Things I Like: I like how you took the "save the earth" idea but twisted it around a bit. (Tamsin) Suggestions: I don't really understand "woods morph into our home" (Nicole) Things I Like: I like the topic of the poem and the last line really ties the whole poem together. (Nicole) Suggestions: Describe how we are creatures and describe what the creatures look like.  (Zach) What I like: I really like the beginning and end. <span style="display: block; padding-bottom: 1pt; padding-left: 0in; padding-right: 0in; padding-top: 0in;">(Zach) Suggestions: I think you should title the poem and tell us what the creature is. The date is April 2, 1980 and school sports are just starting. Right after school I get to go to the best fields, at the best time so I can go home and do my work without being interupted until I’m done. <span style="border-bottom: dotted windowtext 3.0pt; border: none; display: block; mso-element: para-border-div; padding: 0in 0in 1.0pt 0in;"> <span style="border: none; mso-border-bottom-alt: dotted windowtext 3.0pt; mso-padding-alt: 0in 0in 1.0pt 0in; padding: 0in;">

The date is April 2, 1980 and school sports are just starting. If you consider it sports we get the worst fields, worst options and worst times. I get home start work and in the middle of it need to head back to school. <span style="border-bottom: dotted windowtext 3.0pt; border: none; display: block; mso-element: para-border-div; padding: 0in 0in 1.0pt 0in;"> <span style="border: none; mso-border-bottom-alt: dotted windowtext 3.0pt; mso-padding-alt: 0in 0in 1.0pt 0in; padding: 0in;">

We get the best times, because we are more athletic and need better times because no one cares about the girls games. They should be at home doing work and other girl stuff while we practice to entertain the crowds. <span style="border-bottom: dotted windowtext 3.0pt; border: none; display: block; mso-element: para-border-div; padding: 0in 0in 1.0pt 0in;"> <span style="border: none; mso-border-bottom-alt: dotted windowtext 3.0pt; mso-padding-alt: 0in 0in 1.0pt 0in; padding: 0in;">

Unfair, yes but what can I do? No one even cares about our games, except our parents. We’re just supposed to sit home and do work and other stuff, but I don’t like that I have always been more athletic but it isn’t changing anytime soon. <span style="border-bottom: dotted windowtext 3.0pt; border: none; display: block; mso-element: para-border-div; padding: 0in 0in 1.0pt 0in;"> <span style="border: none; mso-border-bottom-alt: dotted windowtext 3.0pt; mso-padding-alt: 0in 0in 1.0pt 0in; padding: 0in;">

The date is April 3, 1980 and our first game is coming the crowd is huge. There aren’t enough seats and people are sitting on the grass because it was so overcrowded. I think there is another game but I’m not sure because no one has really talked about it. <span style="border-bottom: dotted windowtext 3.0pt; border: none; display: block; mso-element: para-border-div; padding: 0in 0in 1.0pt 0in;"> <span style="border: none; mso-border-bottom-alt: dotted windowtext 3.0pt; mso-padding-alt: 0in 0in 1.0pt 0in; padding: 0in;">

Big game today and the crowds are empty we have 20 fans and they are all our parents. Well not really empty since the bleachers are so small because no one is expected to come. Everyone is at the other game, the lacrosse game, the huge one. That is the important one. We will just play on the unpainted, uncared for field while they get the new turf field and get the best bleachers and food.

I am going to add actual essay parts soon.