Jason

JASON--read my comments in blue below and do something about them!

My Mom, The Hard Worker When my mom goes into a meeting, she feels weird because there are usually mostly men in the meeting. She says it can be like thirty men and two or three women in one meeting. At her old job, she felt a gender stereotype. The accounts with women would go to women and the accounts with men would go to men. This is something strange for the 2000’s. By the twenty-first century, women and men should not have separate rights/conditions, yet women would not get accounts with men at my mom’s old job. My mom feels that more women were laid off at her old job then men, including herself. Are men favored in workplaces? We don’t know what the heads of companies think, but this statement is likely to be true. At my mom’s new job, she does not feel any gender stereotypes are present or any favoritism so maybe only some companies favor one gender over the other. When my brother, sister and I were born, each time my mom thought a lot about giving up work to look after us. But, she felt the need to stay at work so she could raise us and my dad worked from home and still does today so that helped her to make her decision. My dad could watch out for us and we could get a babysitter as well so she didn’t have to look after us. Fortunately, her company gave her time off after each of our births such as four-day weeks for a period of time. My mom always wanted to be able to stay home and take care of us, but she had to work. She got laid off and took a two- year break from working. She had a lot of fun watching us and seeing us everyday, but she felt she had to have a bigger purpose than she had so she went back to work. Being one of a small group of working mothers in Chappaqua feels good to her because she contributes financially to the family and accomplishes a lot in her work. Women should be able to have time off of work and not have it held against them because they need to take care of their child until they can find someone else to take care of him or her. Women shouldn’t be singled out because women and men are equal and have the same rights. People still feel men are better and favor men in the workplace, but many women are better than men at many jobs. It is unfair that women only get women clients like at my mom’s old job. Women can handle speaking with men. Women and men interact everyday so why can’t men and women speak over the telephone at a workplace? Women need to be paid the same and there shouldn’t be favoritism towards men.  Men may feel it is unfair to have women work less after birth like my mother did, but if the men were parents and were working, they would want their wife to be with their child all the time so it is only fair to the women to let them have some time off. Men may be favored in some workplaces, which is unfair because women have established that they can do as a good job at working as men can do. It may be tough for newly working mothers to be away from their children everyday, but sometimes it is needed to support the family and people should respect their decision to either keep working or look after their new children. _ __ You should add quotes and include the interview more. You could also add names and add more details. (Dear ____: Add initials when you comment)

How about having your mom describe a typical meeting to you--the room, number of people, papers around the table, etc. (in other words, don't get so focused on gender that you can't describe a scene fully) and then she looks around the room and counts women at the table (and maybe how those women have to be pretty strong to make themselves heard? In short, MORE STORY MrC (All three times... makes it sound like you and your sibs were each born three times! Re-phrase? :)

I like this piece and think it is very descriptive, but I think you should put more of what YOU think.
Good piece i just think that if you were to mention what you believe in and what you thought the gender roles should be, it would give me a better idea.

i think you are off to a great start. the peice is very descriptive but lacks personal opinion. try to expand

I liked how you a lot of details, but you could expand on topics and lengthen the essay.

i like how you used details and restated your opinions to get your point across. i think that this essay used specifics about your family to discuss the effects of stereotypical actions

I like how you started with details/opinions