Eric

when my dad was a little boy he said that a lot of girls didnt play sports. my dad told me that girls did what girls did today go hangout with their friends and go dancing. But some girls did swiming and softball. not that many girls did baseketball, baseball or football. gender was a huge issue back then to but i think that gender is a bigger issue today becuase you hear everyday about gender issues on the news. I think that gender plays a really big roll in school because thats where everything happendes and stuff. Also today you seee a lot more girls playing a lot more sports like basketball and soccer.

Good topic, but i think you should add more about your opinion on the topic.-Eleanor Sadik-Khan

You should expand on the topic...this would be a good opening paragraph, but you should add more stories, stereotypes, opinions, etc. in order to give the essay more content. Also, take out the "and stuff." -Allison Dammann

Ask your dad to tell you a story about playing games with girls--there must have been one time--MrC

In the second to last sentence you say, "and stuff," but the reader doesn't actually know what the, "stuff," is - TAS

﻿Good topic and content, some grammatical errors, need to include an anecdote to draw the reader in, and maybe ask your mom what sports she did if your parents are around the same age- Conor Winston

Good topic, but that shoudl have been the introduction, not teh whoel story. Expand a lot on the topic. -Gwen

__**other draft **__
 * I like how you include your dad's amd your opinion on the topic. Maybe you could use the information from this piece here, and make it into some kind of story. SiF **

When my dad was a little boy he said that a lot of girls didn’t play sports. My dad told me that girls did what girls did today go hangout with their friends and go dancing. But some girls did swimming and softball. Not that many girls did basketball, baseball or football. Gender was a huge issue back then to but I think that gender is a bigger issue today because you hear every day about gender issues on the news. I think that gender plays a really big role in school because that’s where everything happened and stuff. Also today you see a lot more girls playing a lot more sports like basketball and soccer. My dad said that there weren’t many girls signing up for sports in school. I think that today there is a lot of controversy about gender now. I don’t really mind or care about gender I think that boys and girls should have more chances in like sports and other stuff. I think that people should let do more things like the boys like in sports and in politics.

You should expand more about your thoughts. Eleanor

﻿This would make a good opening paragraph for an essay, but you need to expand more on your ideas. You sort of introduce them and then don't carry them out fully. Take out the "stuff"s, they are too vague. (for examples for the second one you could say sports and other activities.) -Allison Dammann