Connor+S.

I put up a layup on the hoop in my drive way it clicks off the backboard and swishes through the hoop. Hayden says nice shot I sit down on the old rock wall a stone falls off i say shit. When I sit down I sit there and watch Hayden shoot the basketball. I look up at the old tree above me the time was like four o clock on a Sunday afternoon in the summer. The grill is cooking chicken and I go back to looking at the tree and fade off then my brother yells as he makes a shot. I say nice job bud then I hear a yell that the chicken is ready and we run off through the screen door into the house.

__ Chris Valenti __
 * I like how it is really fast
 * i like how you change the topics really fast.
 * i think you need punctuation
 * the scene changes are hard to follow

The scenes change really quickly, making it hard to follow. You should probably add some commas to seperate your scenes. It's descriptive and tells the story really well -Carolyn :)

I like how your story goes at a fast pace. Maybe add more, other than a story. For example adding why this story is important to you. -Allie

MrC Lot's do here--nice to start with a scene, but now you have to write what this story means to you.

I like the idea, now build onto it more and throw more specific ideas into it, but good job. -Cooper