Jordan

"I like my children to be better than me, to accomplish more than me, to be proud enough to say, 'I did it! I am the first one to do it!'" That was my grandmothers response to my question "Do you want your children to have a better career than you? Why?" My grandmother is 76 years old and was born in Guyana. She went to England around 1958 and went to college and got a job as a nurse. Me: How long did it take for you to know you wanted to be what you were? Grandmother: Well, I really didn't have that much variety of what I could be. I wasn't what I wanted to be necessarily, just what was hiring. (Laughs) I didn't find this amusing. I understand she was just looking back on tender memories, but I thought this was more about gender than anything. My next question was whether or not gender played a role in #|finding a job back then, and she said more than ever. At the hospital she worked at, the doctors where all men, she didn't see one women in the white lab coat that they had to wear. This was disturbing to me, but I know it was true back in those times. Women were treated like garbage and were seen as baby makers and house cleaners. Me: Why have a career anyway? Grandmother: Why? Because it was one thing that I wanted to do. I felt that it was an obligation because I did want good things in life, and I was looking foward to providing for my family. I think every parent can relate to wanting to do well for your children, and wanting for you children to well also. My grandmother and her husband, who was a police officer, had 3 children; 2 girls and 1 boy. Me: Were you always focused on your son (my uncle) playing sports, or hanging around with his older sister? Grandmother: I supported Larry (my uncle) on whatever he wanted to do, but again he was the baby in the family and his sisters, if he admits to it or not, were his protectors. So I think they rubbed off on him, and yes, he was on the softer side than most boys. My grandfather was a police officer and that was primarily a "mans job". Me: Were there any women pursuing crime investigation? Grandmother: Very few! There were less women officers than the number of people in 3 average households today! The fact that papa (my grandfather) was in the force was good for the family because if you were a man in the force, you had respect back then, rather than how people treat officers today. My last question was the one that I think "hit the nail on the head" Me: If you had the opportunity to change if you were a man or a woman, would you? Grandmother: In the times I was born in, and being what I was, I believe it definetly would have been easier to be a man, but I wouldn't go back on anything I ever did. That was so true! I do understand that it obviously would've been easier being a male back then because they could do no wrong! They had it all and everything was lined up for them. I do support my grandmothers choice of staying who she was because it's the journey that counts.

I liked the way you kept adding your opinion but I also thought it got confusing switching from the interview to the reflection part. For example, you could write a paragraph, and then cite a little of the interview or another example would be having the interview on top and the reflection at the bottom. (Madeline Katz)

Nice work with incorporating your Grandmother into the piece, she has a very good story and it adds a light hearted feeling to the essay. I also thought that you should focus more on a main idea that goes along with what you took away from this interview, find a general idea and elaborate on it more. (Micaela Silver)

What you have so far is good, but it doesn't feel like an essay. It's fun but all that's there is an interview, with barely any essay. You need to reflect on your interview some more. I like how it's not so rigidly written for an essay, but it might be too causally written. ---Tamsin

Definitely agree with Tamsin--if the idea of an "essay" gets in the way, then you could do some of the question and answer in a story form: "Grandma leaned back in her chair and said..." This might help you keep what Micaela likes about the light-hearted feel. But even if you do that there is a lot here you could redo as story. ---MrC (Also--ask her to tell you more about "the softer side of boys")

The introduction really grabs the readers attention and wants to make them keep reading. I think you should pick the part of the interview you found the most interesting and write an essay on it. Your grandma had interesting things to say, but you need to take that information and make it more of an essay and less of an interview. (Nicole)

"I like my children to be better than me, to accomplish more than me, to be proud enough to say, 'I did it! I am the first one to do it!'" That was my grandmothers response to my question "Do you want your children to have a better career than you? Why?" My grandmother is 76 years old and was born in Guyana. She went to England around 1958 and went to college and got a job as a nurse.

Finding a job back than was hard for anybody but it was especially for women. My grandmother said Well, I really didn't have that much variety of what I could be. I wasn't what I wanted to be necessarily, just what was hiring. She then laughed.

I didn't find this amusing. I understand she was just looking back on tender memories, but I thought this was more about gender than anything. My next question was whether or not gender played a role in finding a job back then, and she said more than ever.

At the hospital she worked at, the doctors where all men, she didn't see one women in the white lab coat that they had to wear. This was disturbing to me, but I know it was true back in those times. Women were treated like garbage and were seen as baby makers and house cleaners.

Having a career wasn't exactly a neccesity for women back in the 50's so why even have one, my grandmother said "Because it was one thing that I wanted to do. I felt that it was an obligation because I did want good things in life, and I was looking foward to providing for my family."

I think every parent can relate to wanting to do well for your children, and wanting for you children to well also.

My grandmother and her husband, who was a police officer, had 3 children; 2 girls and 1 boy.

My uncle wasn't always the "tough" guy, hanging around with his two sisters. But today he works for Metro North fixing trains, and is really buff! My grandmother wasn't always focused on him playing sports. She said the she supported him on whatever he wanted to do, "but again he was the baby in the family and his sisters, if he admits to it or not, were his protectors. So I think they rubbed off on him, and yes, he was on the softer side than most boys."

My grandfather was a police officer and that was primarily a "mans job". So when I asked if there were any women pursuing the job my grandmother said "Very few! There were less women officers than the number of people in 3 average households today! The fact that papa (my grandfather) was in the force was good for the family because if you were a man in the force, you had respect back then, rather than how people treat officers today."

I know we've all wished to do something over again and wish we had the power to change the past, what would my grandmother do? " In the times I was born in, and being what I was, I believe it definetly would have been easier to be a man, but I wouldn't go back on anything I ever did."

That was so true! I do understand that it obviously would've been easier being a male back then because they could do no wrong! They had it all and everything was lined up for them. I do support my grandmothers choice of staying who she was because it's the journey that counts.

Like the changes. This is too extreme--you lose readers when you exaggerate. Explain what you thought here in another sentence. MrC

Good work with the changes, tone down the voice a little bit, it can be overpowering. (Micaela)

I like the questions that you asked your Grandmother, I also agree that you should take out some of the exaggerations. (Madeline)

The last sentence brings the whole piece together. I do agree that exaggerate a little too much. (Nicole)