Nicole

__New Draft of Gender Essay__ Common stereotypes were true in my dad’s house growing up. His mother did the cooking every night and his father worked around the house and did outdoor work. The kids had no specific chores. My dad and his older brother could almost always be found outside. They saved their homework for last, so that they could play while it was still light out. My dad’s twin sister was usually inside doing her homework. School was very important to her from a young age. His sister always had friends over to study and his friends always came to play football or baseball. Sports were a big part of my dad’s life. He was always going from soccer practice, to football, to baseball. They were very important to him from a young age and stayed that way throughout college. He was on his high school football team and he always remembers it being a hard team to get on. The kids that made the team were friends. To be on a sports team was a big deal, but so few people got on. You had to know a captain and it was based more on popularity than skill. My dad remembers the boys’ sports team being very competitive and hard to get on, but the girls’ teams didn’t require tryouts and they didn’t play very many games. Girls were not given the same opportunity to learn and enjoy sports. My dad remembers one particular time when a new kid that just moved into the neighborhood tried out for football. He came all prepared to try out and when the coach asked him to do something he always did it and it was always done right. He was an amazing football player, but he didn’t make the team. Everyone thought he had talent, but because no one knew him he wasn’t chosen to be part of the team. The year after he tried out again and made the team. He had gotten to know a couple players before tryouts and since he knew people the captains let him on. Compared to now not as many girls played sports. The girls that played sports were not popular like the boys were. People used to make fun of them and call them names. Some felt that girls didn’t belong playing sports because it was too dangerous and they were better off inside. Both my sister and I have played various sports. My dad loves seeing us involved in sports and he is glad that we have an equal opportunity to participate in sports. Sports played a big role in everyone’s social life. Most of my dad’s friends were from the sports team and his parent’s friends were also from sports. His brother wasn’t as into sports as my dad. My dad feels that his brother had an easier high school experience because he wasn’t involved in sports, so there was no competition about making a team. Things have changed from when my dad grew up to now. Boys and girls are treated more equally when it comes to sports. One thing that remained the same is that teams can still be hard to get on and very competitive. Girls now try out for sports and participate in games, which is important. Both boys and girls can love sports and it is important that they are given the same chance to pursue them.

All telling, NO anecdotes makes it duller than it should be. Surely there is a story that captures workplace life as your father saw it. Surely there is a second story that captures the change. Don't blame the interviewee here; go back and ask them to tell a story --MrC

I liked how your first paragraph made you want to read more. As for suggestions I think that you should give a specific example about how sports affects girls now. (Madeline Katz)

I like the way you described your dad's life in many aspects, it was also very interesting and made me want to read more. I think you should work on adding some of your own ideas and statistics to make it more factual and less of a story. (Micaela Silver)

I like how you included your own experiences but you do need some anecdotes to help draw your reader in a bit more. Without it, it's just a little boring. ---Tamsin

I like how you tied in your own life compared to your dads, think of a title and adding more detail. (Micaela)

You should add more detail and explain more of your fathers experiences. It was good though. (Jordan)